This place has been incredibly lonely of late. Mainly because what I have been writing has been much more personal in nature. Something I would not be comfortable sharing with just anyone.
I would not say that all has changed in my life. Much is still the same. It still is slow paced and highly mundane and monotonous from an outsider’s perspective. But this is one opinion people have always had about me and my life. And I would contribute it more towards their understanding level than anything else. For they choose to make almost dogmatic judgments based on their own perspectives and opinions. I have always disregarded such expressions……feeling almost sorry for their lack of ability of thinking beyond their shells.
Things have changed in my world. For now, I do not find myself delving in senseless dreams for escaping my realities. My dreams are there……almost similar in their nature and impossibility. However, I do not attempt to escape my realities now; since no matter how undramatic they may be, they do define me to some extent. I shall always live by my dreams……in an impossibly idealistic world. However, I shall also live for my realities, since not doing so would be selfishness on my part. It is for that reason that I want these ravings to end now. This is not the word I want my words, my world and my dreams to be defined by. Hence, this is my last post on this blog.

Wonder what weakens me today. This unwillingness to work, think or react to any given purpose. This numbness of senses……….it is suffocating.

checking post service

A shimmer of a shadow, a faint mirthful ray.
Ever so frail, yet so very inviolable.

Firefly of the grimmest nox, or a lone star in the horizon,
Ever so lonesome, yet an enduring hope for all.

You are silence, in all its ageless glory.
Its un restricting self, its surreal existence.

An entity, only defined by its own self.
Not being a slave to words or expression.

A single existence, but infinite perceptions.
An unending mystery and an eternal solace.


Happy Birthday.

You have always been and shall always remain an exceptional friend. On this day, I pray, hope and believe that you shall inspire hopes and dreams in many more.

What I write now is my vague recollection of a dream. A fantasy world that I so adored when I was briefly a part of it. Partly because it was so related to my own life and being; and yet was so surreal in its nature. It is but a vague memory now…….but is a comfort even in its partialness.
What I witnessed was my own university. Only that it was much more alive that day. It had something strange in the air which gave me a feeling of innate longing.
It was an early in the morning…….a time when the sun is perfectly poised for your own comfort. The scent of dawn was still lingering in the air as I was walking past my department’s front side. I am not sure whether I was unaccompanied or not. But my steps surely were purposeful. I remember experiencing an emotional high.
Do not remember much of my way……..but I do remember the place I reached. Even though the rest of my dream is obscure; it is as if, the image of that place has been etched in my soul; ever to remain a memory to my mind.
It was the single road which I walk everyday in the course of a usual university life. Which starts from the bus stop and runs the entire length to the Architecture department. There is nothing really extraordinary about it. Like most other things, it is quite ignorable.
Yet, in that dream, it was really a sight worth a witness. It appeared much wider……much more accommodating than its real counterpart. And the whole length of it was perfectly arched by unimaginably tall trees on either side. With the sun sneaking through the small breaches in this massive arch, the sight was nothing short of heavenly.
In a shade which was almost absolute, stood a large gathering of individuals restless in anticipation. And for some reason I felt as if I was the reason for their presence here. Out of the croud……..there were many who I recognized……and many perfect strangers; who for some reason fitted in perfectly with that crowd; as if there was no distinction. Every single one of them did not even have a trace of worry or deceit on their face.
I felt that nothing…..no calamity could take this moment away from either me or them. I was the source of anticipation for this crowd……….yet each and every single one of them poised as if it was his/her own joy above anyone else’s.
I was a reflection of my world; perhaps just as I have always imagined it. So secure and serene that you could spend a thousand lifetimes in it and yet, have longing for its permanence. That night……I had but a mere glimpse of it. But someday, that world shall be mine to cherish. If not now…….then years from now; and if not in this life, then in the eternal life which shall follow. I pray for that now…….

There is life in the air these days. The morns are filled with cheerful glances and gestures……and the nights are marked by anticipation and enlightenment. It brings such immense joy to a soul to witness this state of mirth and unity.
The world is just the same…….materialistically imposing and deluding. But it appears that this superficial life has stepped into the background; revealing it’s calmer; More lasting counterpart.
It is at such moments that I never cease to question and wonder……..why do we inflict ourselves with these self imposed shackles. Why do we so willingly choose to be a slave to our facile desires? Is our vision so profoundly clouded that our foresight has been permanently impaired?
As a race, we have become lost in our self created illusions. Seeking a euphoric life amidst our worldly achievements!! So profoundly have these fantasies deluded us that we have begun to fear their destined death. And in our fear, we turn away from all, which may falsify our delusions. We turn away from the truth……turning away from the possibility of justifying our own lives.
Even as I write these words now, I am not aware whether I shall be deluded tomorrow…..or whether my present is void of any illusions.
I know that I shall always agree to these words……but I can not promise to go by them tomorrow. For indeed! Man has been made very weak and Satan is an able opponent.
For this reason……the only worldly thing I truly yearn and pray for is strength. It pains me greatly to aggrieve my own world. And I usually find myself lacking the strength to please every single aspect of it.

It’s frustrating at times!!!! Looking at the facades, people so proudly wear. Pretending to be someone they perhaps never would be……..something that they may never even aspire to be. With their whole lives based on deception, they so blatantly expect their masks to be accepted without question.
Sometimes, it is good to be oblivious to all realities. What can I do now but pity their plight and feel rage over their pride. I am aggrieved, enraged and ashamed of what they are today!!!!
Perhaps this is one thing that offends me the most! Such facile lies and deceptions; such false images and self illusions; such pretentious lives and delusions…..
Do they believe that they can fool God…….and fool the ones that He chooses to guide? Has their illusions enveloped them so profoundly that they now bring their own selves to such absurd paradoxes. They are the living testament of God’s own words. It is as if their hearts have truly been veiled and they are devoid of sight, but not eyes; devoid of perception, but not mind; and devoid of love, but not a heart!!!
With all my heart, I pity them all……………

Deafening silent nights and pleasantly hazed morns… A time when Satan rests while souls seek increasing solitude…..when God dominates our worldly acts and the apparently deathly life has unmatched mirth. Insanity is forsaken and sinful motives are restrained!!! Only wish that my world could have been the same all year round.
I do believe that nothing at all can rid this nation of being deceitful; but now, atleast there is an effort to discard whatever might be evil. Atleast there is an attempt to redeem for our past ways. Reality may well be drastically different from these assumptions; but atleast, it is easier to hope!! And dreams are an inch closer to their surreal reality.
Suddenly, my days are less taxing; the restlessness of my nights is non existent. I still do seek solitude; but it is no longer out of distress. Now, I would only seek it for a moment to reflect upon my own thoughts and realities; for a moment to contemplate the recent happenings in my world.
Now……my vision is no longer obscure and the calm vividness of my dreams has returned. And thus, I can now bear to reason. Whether this is only a mirage with which I am deceiving my own self…….or the sands of obscurity have truly come to an end; whether I have distanced from my own horizon…..or I am now transcending to a broader one?? I wonder!!!!
But I would not allow this question to bother me now. There definitely is a reason for what I feel. A reason for my existence and a reason for every other reality of my life!! Whatever that may be….I do not believe that I can question it…….but I can surely justify it.
Now of all the times, I finally feel that I am ready to do so. My world is empty without God, obscure without dreams and stagnant without reality. Now, I finally believe that I can balance these aspects of my life.